Well, that was lame. The promise of my lover in another life, James Franco, and Anne Hathaway certainly did not deliver. If anything, the most fascinating thing about the whole thing was guessing how many doobies Franco smoked backstage and whether or not he was going to bust out a bag of chips and crack open a can o’ beer on stage.

Fashion-wise, it was a big letdown in comparison to The Golden Globes. Oscars, by nature, are very polite. They sit in their seats. They don’t drink. And they don’t take big chances. Anyhow, here is my best dressed list!

Honourable Mention: Annette Bening in Naeem Khan

Spectacular dress on a spectacular actress. Perhaps the only reason why it’s an honourable mention is because it’s black. I always seem to give colour an edge. But the beautiful construction lines elongated her already gorgeous figure. The little sleeves and the V-neck were really age-appropriate: not too sexy, not too matronly, but just right. Also, I think she should have won (no offense, Natalie!). 

I hated her singing. I’m sure she did too, having to follow Florence Welch. Oh well, sometimes life sucks even for Goopy. Her Calvin Klein gown, on the other hand, really worked for her. Its simple, no fuss silhouette is just exactly what Gwyneth stands for: a sort of an impossibly perfect icy WASP figure. The long, no fuss hair just added to the gorgeous simplicity. No more singing, okay? 

I’ve always been a huge fan of Amy Adams as an actress. I think people often overlook her acting ability due to her the-girl-next-door good looks. I think she is one of those actresses that will just get better and better with age. Keep in mind that this was already her second Oscar nomination. But this was her first big hit on the red carpet.  She didn’t do the prom princess Marchesa thing. Instead she opted for a simple sapphire L’Wren Scott reflecting her maturity and growth as an actress. And seriously: her beat down of the crazy sister in The Fighter will go down as one of my favourite film scenes ever! 

Florence Welch is a magnificent figure. She is impossibly tall and regal, not unlike Tilda Swinton (who sadly didn’t show up!). I don’t see her wearing a boring ass strapless Marchesa but she is not afraid to go pretty. I think this pale yellow Valentino Couture gown proves exactly that: she can be pretty and still stay the magnificently cool Florence. Hair down always helps to achieve the oh-look-I’m-so-effortless thing.  

She is a beautiful little fragile bird-like creature and this is exactly how I like to see her: really playing up those delicate soft features. I suppose that it’s not a coincidence that all the gowns I chose have a crew neck or at least a demure neckline. What I hate the most is tits on show, unless the tits in question are spectacular (hello January Jones at the Globes!).